Due to peer pressure, the excitement of getting a shiny new
phone and the complete state of boredom, I decided to check out some dating
apps. Having spoken to Rosie about my findings, she thought it a great idea to
write a post on it. So, although completely different to what I usually waffle about, here goes my post on online dating…
Having heard plenty about
Tinder, I obviously had to try it (both Natz and Rosie were adamant on this!)
which was a bit disappointing. Aside from the sheer entertainment of
being encouraged to vainly judge people (or in one case just a stand-alone penis), I didn’t want to start all the
conversations and clearly neither did some of the guys so it all stayed a bit
stagnant. Considering I can make random conversation with almost anyone, this
was a little disconcerting. I also tried Lovoo which I was going to delete
within half a day of having because a) it feels more like a dating website,
with chat requests, likes and kisses all to be sent (not a fan of the endless kisses) b) the guys were creepy,
cheesy or just plain weird and c) it paid no attention to my age filters. I did
end up chatting to a couple of guys who seemed quite nice and therefore came up
with some observations.
Firstly, I realised that age is incredibly important to me. And
frankly, it’s a little strange what difference a couple of years can make. As a
general rule, I wouldn’t want to date anyone younger than me (I’m 22) and
ideally wouldn’t date anyone older than 30 but would be willing to be with
someone who is up to 10 years older than me. I was chatting to a guy, whose
profile said he was 30 and we got on really well. We spent a couple of days
chatting and in spite of having very little in common actually had a surprising
amount to talk about. Eventually, age came up and I found out he was 35. Clearly
this is far too old for me. But it did get me thinking that if he were 32, it
would have bothered me less and I probably would have liked to meet him; it’s
funny that a mere 3 years can make a huge difference
on whether you like someone or not! It works the other way too. I’ve
been chatting to a lovely guy who is
20 years old. Again, we have had long conversations but
again, although slightly less so, the age gap bothered me. I do generally
believe that girls are more mature than girls (I’m sure this is not a
generalisation and can be scientifically proven) and although he seems mature
enough, I have noticed that when chatting to L, my attitude is a lot more
joke-y, less serious and is a lot like conversations I have with guy friends.
Speaking of friends, living in London can make it hard to
meet people. I know I’ve been incredibly lucky with the friends I’ve made since
moving out and am very aware that not all people in London have been so lucky. Therefore,
I genuinely believe that some guys
(and gals of course) do just want to meet new people. Others of course claim to
want relationships, want to date or just want casual sex (true fact: my first
chat request was a guy asking if I was looking for a submissive guy: bleurgh!)
As mentioned, I tried the sites out because of boredom and curiosity: I am not
looking a relationship or to fall madly in love (I am not much of a relationship-person
to be honest) and have absolutely no expectations of any of the dating apps. I have
chatted to guys who clearly want casual sex and are very honest about that
fact. Obviously some girls would find this off-putting and run away. I find the
honesty refreshing. I think a lot of guys on at least some of the apps
(Tinder?!) are looking for something casual but just aren;t up front about it. If a
guy or gal says they’re looking for casual sex, at least you know 100% where
you both stand. Equally, I find the guys who say they are looking to find a
relationship and/or settle down very unsettling. I don’t know how honest the guys are being and whether or not they are just saying what they think a girl wants to hear. But
not wanting a relationship myself (and certainly not wanting to settle down) I
feel like I’d be wasting their time by continuing to chat to them, when they
could continue their search for someone who wants the same thing as them.
And now being on the topic of wasting time… A friend of mine
(you know who you are) who is on one of the apps has been chatting to quite a few girls
but when asked whether he’s met up with any of them, he said no. When asked
whether he is going to ask any of them out, he answered with the ever-elusive “I
don’t know”. He says that he’ll only meet up with a girl if he really likes her
as he doesn’t want to waste either of their time. Whilst this is very sweet
(and I am sure unlike most guys’ approach) I am not sure I agree. I think the
first couple of dates attach no expectations on anyone; you can meet and if the
sparks don’t fly or if you don’t get on as well as you’d hoped, there is
absolutely no pressure to keep contact and you can call it a day. Besides, if
you agree to meet, surely both of you want to and therefore time’s not wasted?!
Furthermore, I think I’d find it unsettling to meet up with a guy who I’ve
chatted to for ages. First dates (or meetings) should be about getting to know
each other. If you have chatted for weeks and know everything about each other by
the time to meet, I think it’s quite an odd place to start and surely puts a
lot more pressure on both of you to like each other. Also, both me and friends have been
chatting to guys for a little while where the conversation just fizzles out. You
may have things to talk about but I think the initial feeling of liking a
person and wanting to get to know them kind of disappears if you just write and
write and write (like I am doing now, of course).
So these are my online/app dating insights which I actually really enjoyed
writing.
To start a Saturday morning with a smile, here is a list of some of
the worst chat-starters that I and friends have come across…
- Do your legs hurt running through my dreams all night?
- I've lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
- I know gravity exists because I've fallen for you
- Heaven's missing an angel. She's you
- I bet your last name is Jacobs, because you're a real cracker
And on that cringing note, hope everyone has a wonderful
weekend!
Muah,
Roo xx
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